Umpires

Sat, 10 Mar 2007 20:57:54 GMT

You know how disgruntled fans yell to umpires at baseball games? One of the nicer things they can say is that the umpire needs glasses. Well, if I was an umpire, I'd wear glasses. Fuck them. Then they'd actually have to say something even stupider and less pithy, like "Hey umpire, you need to go to an optometrist and get an eye exam, because those glasses aren't working too good."

Starting out

Fri, 05 May 2006 04:24:08 GMT

I've been intending to start this for a long time. I don't know why I've put it off this long, but on my one free night of the week, Tuesday, I managed to squeeze in enough time to create this journal. I suppose it will be just random musings. I don't have time for anything more in-depth. Here's a sample:

About a month ago, I bought an mp3 player. When I opened the package, I found out that it would only work on a Windows XP computer--and mine isn't yet. But that's not the point--as I was stewing about that, I happened to idly pick up the "Free Rolling Stone magazine" subscription card. I thought, hey, 12 free issues of Rolling Stone, maybe I'll send this in and assuage my feelings of buyer's remorse. How nice of SanDisk to arrange this neat little free gift just for me! Except that I also happened to be bored enough to read the fine print, which said that if I *didn't* want the subscription, that I could send off to Rolling Stone and get my $12.97 "subscription allocation" refunded.

Ah. Yes, I admit it, I forgot for nearly five whole seconds that corporations are greedy soul-sucking pseudo-lifeforms and TANSTAAFL on top of that. But you can be damned sure I sent that letter in to Rolling Stone and got my $12.97 back. Maybe I'll spend it on a subscription to SPIN. Fuckers.

Purveyors of Mormalcy

Umpires

Starting out